Keep Your Curtains Closed.

Before you are accepted into Drama School, they always prefer it if you have had “Life Experience”.

Lets tally this up -

Age – 16

Highs = Check

Lows = Double-Check

…Surely I can apply now?

I mean, what IS “Life Experience”? Try and define it. It differs from person to person, so this must be taken into account. Is there a certain amount of laughs you must have laughed, or tears you must have cried before it’s classed as this rather vague “Life Experience”?

According to Drama Schools, I have yet to experience life…

So what the hell am I doing now, then?

Oh yes, because I am obviously sat at home with my curtains (black – so I don’t experience colour) locked together with tins of non-dairy (don’t want to experience the effects of a possible dairy intolerance), low-fat (don’t want to experience being fat) soup (so I don’t experience chewing and with no taste so I can’t experience flavour), a plain spoon (non-shiny – can’t see my reflection – don’t experience vanity) and sat on a bare floor (so I don’t experience the feel of carpet etc.) whilst constantly moving (so I don’t experience cramp or “pins and needles”).

No, Love - I’ve got my list of statistics from Family Deaths to Failed Relationships and Examinations Sat to Times I’ve Laughed So Hard, I’ve Cried. And they all add up to experience. I’ve experienced the sorrow of a loved one passing away and another breaking up with me along with the nerves of sitting silently staring blankly at the question paper and then the ecstasy of laughing ’til my stomach begins to cramp and I can’t breathe.

So listen up you lot, just because I haven’t travelled the world, or haven’t married and raised three kids – doesn’t mean I haven’t got this “Life Experience” you guys love so much.